Life At home

If owning a home is  an American dream, why do we live most of it outside?

Life happens.

Just not at home anymore.

Home, once an integral part of all the family activities, celebrations, reunions, and
even major milestones such as birth and death is now more or less reduced to a place
to sleep at night and a place to keep all of our belongings. Significant events of our lives
seems to have moved out of our homes and into commercial buildings. Ironically just
as our homes, by any measure, are getting bigger and our families are getting smaller,
we seem to be sucking life out of our homes.

Last week, our neighbors had a small party outside which went on till mid-night. We
heard a lot of happy voices and as much as I enjoyed that happiness being spread
around the neighborhood, I was concerned that some neighbor might complain that
the neighborhood peace was disturbed. That reminded me how much I miss not having
all the celebrations around me right where I live.

In last couple of decades that I have lived in this house, many life-changing events – from
weddings to new babies and deaths - have happened to our neighbors. Yet none of those
events have touched the community in a real way.

Life, in some distant past, meant almost all events happened at home. Births, deaths,
weddings, bridal showers, holiday parties and birthday parties, all happened at home
which meant that neighbors became a part of these events. Home is where life was fully
lived, shared and enjoyed. Sometime during the last century that began to change and
it seems that it is continuing to change.

Talking to one young couple recently, I was shocked to hear that they never entertain any

friends at home thought they have a beautiful home. It requires too much cleaning and cooking. It is much easier to meet

friends at a restaurant and split the bills, she said. That may be so, but it takes away some

thing more valuable, I thought.

With every passing decade we seemed to be moving one step closer to bringing life
outside. Friends meet in restaurants; family reunions take place either on a luxury boat
or a vacation destination.  Birthday parties happen at Chuckey Cheese or McDonald.
From wedding parties and bridal showers to holiday parties and casual get-together,
home is hardly a part of any event.

Of course, these commercial outfits bring undeniable advantages over home.
Convenience, comfort, and practical reasons outweigh the argument in favor of home.
The kind of care you get in a hospital is hard to duplicate in a home – no matter how well
equipped- so it makes sense that birth and death happen out of home and into hospitals.
The convenience and space provided by a wedding hall can hardly be duplicated in any
home.

The biggest loser, when the life moves out of our homes, is the community and the
children within the community. When things happen at home, the joy and sadness gets
spilled over and children subconsciously absorb the major events of life before it
happens in their own home, in their own lives. The fullness of life becomes a part of the
community, with all of its good and bad. In some sense, major life lessons can be picked
up by a child from a safe distance.

When life is lived outside, children do not witness the normal rhythm of life – until it
happens close to their hearts. All special aspects of life are hidden from children when
they are growing up so when they actually experience any important passage of a life,
it is much closer, much more devastating, and much more drastic.

Today, when children spend many of their waking hours at a daycare center, often from
as young as an infant, the value of a home is further reduced to a place to sleep and store.
Nursing homes mean that when we got old, we move outside of home as we await the
final move.

Home, the proverbial American dream is shrinking. Of course not in size, as mega
mansions pop all over America, but in value. Again not in the dollar value, as anyone
who has recently made a purchase can vouch, but in its real value as a home, where
family gathered and often argued, where meals were shared, were bridal showers,
wedding rehearsals and baby showers took place. Maybe it is time to reclaim the value
of home and not just its home equity.